Random Giggles | Page 15

ILMES

7 November 2016, 11:34 pm by Giggles

Categories: Family, Infertility

On my left hand I wear the wedding band Brett gave me when we got married seven years ago next week. When I’m not changing diapers so much I’ll wear the engagement ring he gave me again as well. I love the simple symbol it is of our love and marriage and the promises that holds.

I wanted something similar for our kids. It needed to fit my style which meant something simple and something that wouldn’t get in the way, so traditional jewelry was out. And I needed it to also acknowledge the two we lost and believe we will have in heaven. They are part of our family and Iddo will gladly tell you about the two brothers she has in heaven if you ask.

I settled on a simple thin silicone band I wear around my left wrist. It’s white because of that is the color I associate with the hope it took to get our children here and the hope they give me now. Written on it is the Portuguese word “Espero.” It means both “I hope” and “I wait.” The connection between waiting and hoping was a very important concept for me as we worked to bring our children to our family and is still something I associate with them. I also included the first initial of all five of our children – ILMES.

I do not wear it as a reminder of our children. I will never forget them. Just like I don’t wear my wedding band to remind me of my marriage. Instead I see it as a physical symbol of the fact that I will always carry them in my heart and that they will always be a part of me.

2 Shared thoughts

Exalted

6 November 2016, 11:12 pm by Giggles

Categories: Gospel

There have been a few deaths, sudden ones, either close to my life or that I’ve heard about recently, that have gotten me thinking. As I’ve heard people talk about these people who have died, the lives they lived and the type of people they are, I’ve thought that while their deaths are sad for those of us left behind, that those people were probably ready to die and won’t have any problems spiritually on the other side. These were people who were living the best lives they could. They were not actively rebelling against God. They were striving to keep the covenants they had made with God. Were they perfect? No. But other than Jesus none of us will ever be perfect in this life, that’s what the rest of the eternities are for.

My life has several wrinkles in it. But the important thing is that I’m trying to iron them out. I’m not just saying “well, it is who I am and I’ll just go with the frumpy look and God will be okay with that because he understands.” And I’m not purposefully ironing more creases into my life either. I’ve come across several fabrics in my sewing days that no matter how much heat I used, no matter how much steam I used, no matter how hard I pressed, there was always the slight memory of wrinkles in the fabric that just would not go away. But I kept trying. There are wrinkles like that in my life. But I’m still pushing hard and I’m still letting God heat them up and add steam and I know that in the next life we’ll find a better iron that can get them out.

In designing this mortal existence, our loving Heavenly Father is not like a statistics professor I had. The professor purposefully designed tests that nobody could pass, that the majority of people would fail miserably. According to statistics, that’s the only way to find out exactly how much people know because if people do well on a test then you don’t know how much better they could’ve done. Heavenly Father’s whole work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man (Moses 1:39). If he wants us to all have eternal life then he’s not going to create a test that would keep us from gaining it. And Heavenly Father can do that because he knows us all so perfectly that he can design perfectly individualized tests for each of us that will show us (because he already knows) exactly how much we know.

Several years ago I read a book titled “Odds Are, You’re Going to be Exalted” and the message of it was so simple and beautiful. Another awesome reference on the subject is the talk “Am I Good Enough? Will I Make It?” by Elder J. Devn Cornish from the most recent General Conference. The idea that only a few people will be exalted and that our personal odds are basically zero is a lie from Satan and needs to be called out as such.

If we morally succeed in mortality, do all we can, keep the commandments and our covenants, strive for our very best, then is his grace sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9, Ether 12:27, Moroni 10:32, Doctrine & Covenants 17:8), then the grace of God will provide all the help we need to iron out those last wrinkles. Elder Bednar taught, “Grace is the divine assistance or heavenly help each of us desperately needs to qualify for the celestial kingdom” (“The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality,” April 2012 General Conference). As our Father, God wants nothing more then for us to return to Him and be with Him forever. He offered the life of his Son in exchange for ours. He’s not going to make it impossible for us to return. We can and will be exalted.

If I were to die right now it would really suck for my family. But I have faith in the grace of God. I’m doing my best to iron out my wrinkles and I’m striving to keep the covenants I’ve made with God. I’d be okay on the other side.

1 Shared thought

What once was lost

5 November 2016, 10:52 pm by Giggles

Categories: Life

I’ve long kept a mental running list of the things that we’ve lost in our house. Something is always missing. Sometimes I even put a post-it up for each thing we’re missing to remind me to keep an eye out for them. Eventually everything turns up, often when we aren’t actively looking.

Earlier this year we lost one of our Squigz toys. I looked high and low for that. I looked in couch cushions and everywhere I could possibly think to look for it. Every time we cleaned the family room I looked for it. And we couldn’t find it.

Then we went on vacation this summer. We stopped in Bountiful to see family. We went to Yellowstone with other family. We stopped back in Bountiful on our way home. Our last stop before reaching home was Las Vegas so we could break up the long drive home in two days. At each stop we set up both pack-n-plays for Shimri and Shimei to sleep in at our hotel. The last night, after over a week of traveling, Shimei was walking around the hotel room with a Squigz we hadn’t packed with us. He’d found the lost Squigz! It had apparently been put in the side pocket of one of the pack-n-plays when we had it out once.

Things always turn up.

We’re currently missing a puzzle piece to a game I got in Brasil. My two guesses for where it’s at are in the Christmas decorations or in my mom’s luggage. We’ll have to see where we need to go to find it.

4 Shared thoughts

High School

4 November 2016, 11:46 pm by Giggles

Categories: Education

They’re having the 20-year reunion for my high school graduating class this weekend. I never really considered going. It’s been 10 years since I’ve actually spoken to someone I graduated with. A couple of people have sent me a message or two on Facebook sometime in the last few years. Otherwise I haven’t seen or heard from anyone since the graduation ceremony. And I can’t say I’m that upset about it.

For some high school might have been one of the prime times in their life and they enjoy reliving it from time to time (hopefully not THE prime time in their life because there’s so much more life after high school). For others high school is a time they want to completely block from memory. I probably fall somewhere in the middle. It was good. I had a good time. I’ve got some fun stories from that part of my life. But I don’t feel the need to go back there at all.

I have followed the reunion planning with mild curiosity though. And as this weekend approached it became clear that I made the right decision to not go. The weekend would include the homecoming football game tonight followed by an after-party at a local bar. Tomorrow night they’re handing out commemorative t-shirts and having a semi-formal dinner and dance. Not too bad really. But everyone has been talking about the football after-party as sort-of the main event and being super excited about that. Because now they can all get together and party and get drunk just like they did 20 years ago, only now it’s legal. They get to relive their high school days without the fear of legal ramifications. From what I heard that’s about what the 10-year reunion ended up being as well – everyone going to a bar to get drunk together. As you might imagine, I wasn’t part of that scene 20 years ago and the fact that I could legally do it now wouldn’t change my participation.

I’d be interested in going back to see the school and how the campus has changed and how it hasn’t. Google maps shows there are several new buildings there now. And I’d really like to go back and talk with some of my teachers again and let them know what I’m up to now and how they played a role in that. The trouble would be finding those teachers now because according to the school directory they’ve moved on as well. But my classmates, especially if they’re going to get drunk again (although that made economics a bit more interesting when they’d come back from lunch drunk for that class), I really don’t need to go back for that.

2 Shared thoughts

Thankful blessings

3 November 2016, 9:29 pm by Giggles

Categories: Gospel, Musings

When Iddo prays she generally starts by saying “We thank thee for this day and blessings.” But to me it often sounds like she’s saying “We thank thee for thankful blessings.”

So I started wondering what would constitute a thankful blessing. Are thankful blessings the obvious kind of blessing where you know immediately it is a blessing and express gratitude right away for it? Or are thankful blessings the kind where it’s only days, weeks, months, years, or even not until the next life that you look back and can say it was a blessing and express gratitude for it then?

Spending my 20s single and childless didn’t seem like a blessing. Spending the first half of my 30s married, wanting kids, and childless certainly didn’t seem like a blessing. But those years tempered me, molded and shaped me, and changed the type of mom I would be when our kids did finally arrive.

Today a medical person complimented me on how calm I am as I watch our kids learn through trial and error, which in the case of eating often involves gagging. Both our pediatrician’s nurse and the phlebotomist at the office have told me more than once how much they appreciate how calm I am when our kids get shots or need blood drawn. I don’t like seeing our kids hurt. It tears me up inside to see them in pain or uncomfortable. But I know sometimes it is necessary and I can’t make it go away. So instead I’ll be the calm soft place where they can get comfort and find peace. It is a blessing of those tempering years that helps me find that calm place so I can share it with them.

Whether thankful blessings are the obvious ones or the ones we recognize only in hindsight, I hope I can be better at expressing gratitude for them all.

2 Shared thoughts

Topical Autobiographies

2 November 2016, 11:07 am by Giggles

Categories: Life, Remembers

I overheard a woman at the dentist talking about how she was going to write a “historical autobiography” and I thought she probably didn’t understand the meaning of at least one of those words.

I want to write my autobiography, the story of my life, and I think I should probably do it before my story is over. But sitting down to write it all straight from the beginning doesn’t appeal to me and doesn’t strike me as particularly interesting to read like that either. And I’d probably forget a lot of things too.

In November 2011 I spent each day in November, and the first three days of December, writing down one memory from each year of my life. That was a fun way to start writing my story. I’m going to start something a little different now though.

I recently realized that when I introduce myself, the story I tell is largely influenced by who I’m talking to. If it’s a book club I tell the story of me as a reader. If it’s a running group I tell the story of me as a runner. If it’s an infertility group I tell that story. All of the stories are parts of me and if someone were to hear all of them they’d have the whole picture.

So I’m going to start semi-regularly writing my autobiography by topic. I’m excited to see where this project goes. Feel free to suggest any topics you’d like to hear my story on.

3 Shared thoughts

Making Rainbows

1 November 2016, 1:05 pm by Giggles

Categories: With the Kiddos

Years ago I was at a meeting where a PBS representative came and gave us their “Ready to Learn” presentation. As part of the goodie bags they handed out there was a fridge magnet that pointed out that parents are supposed to watch the PBS shows with their kids, read books with their kids related to the topics they watched, and then do an activity with their kids related to that topic. They gave several examples using different clips from different shows. That magnet has been on my fridge ever since. The “watch, read, do” combination isn’t that hard to do and it helps kids make connections to their lives. A key aspect of it though is parents need to be involved in all three parts.

I don’t consciously plan to “watch, read, do” with Iddo, but sometimes it just happens all too perfectly. Back in April an episode of Sesame Street that we watched had them talking about rainbows, the colors in a rainbow and how to make one. Iddo wanted to make her own rainbows. We had “Mix It Up” by Herve Tullet checked out from the library and we’d read it a few times. We read it again. And then we watched this Sesame Street clip several times as well.

After that it was time to get out our paints. I only pulled out the red, yellow, and blue colors and we started by mixing up a rainbow pallet on our plate. Once we’d mixed our three primary colors to form the three secondary colors she used her fingers and thumbs to paint rainbows. She still likes talking about what you get when you mix different colors, although most of her combinations would result in brown.

To round out our “April Showers” art theme for the month, Shimri and Shimei got to get some blue ink on their fingertips and then smack a paper to make rain drops. I drew a grey rain cloud at the top for them.