Space Bubbles and Hugging

I never really thought of myself as a physical person. I had a pretty big personal bubble for a very long time. Most people in Brasil have very small personal bubbles, and that was uncomfortable for me for a long time. It took some real getting used to. I had one companion whose bubble was quite small and she would walk much, much too close to me for my comfort. It was the rainy season during that time (I actually believe any season in Brasil is the rainy season, but that’s another story), and so I carried my rather large umbrella just about every day. I took to carrying my umbrella at a slight angle to my body to more definitively define my space and help me stay comfortable.

People in America, unless you are riding the subway in New York, generally have very large bubbles. We don’t like people to step into our space, especially uninvited. But there are always those exceptions. And I have come across a few of those exceptions in my life. Getting into theater introduced me to many people who have very small personal space bubbles (although I’ve met one theater person who had an unusually large bubble and that caused some interesting interactions, which are also a different story). In Brasil and Mexico, people hug to say hello and good-bye. That requires a small space. In the States, we shake hands if we touch at all and accommodate our much larger bubbles.

So over the years my bubble has shrunk. I’m generally much more comfortable with people being closer. Although there was a man at the post office on Monday who was standing much too close behind me in line for me to be entirely comfortable, so I compensated by standing a bit further away from the person in front of me. And not only has my personal bubble shrunk, but I have become much more comfortable with actual contact with other people. The human touch is amazing.

I’m an odd study of human behavior, especially my own behavior because I’m a study subject that is always available. I like to analyze what I do and what I think and why. And I have noticed how relaxing it is for me to be touched by another human being. I can almost feel tension and stress drain out of me when someone I know and trust touches my arm or gives me a hug. Which brings up another point.

Not all touch from everyone in the world is the same. I much prefer to be hugged by people I know and trust. If a stranger were to hug me, rather than relaxing me, it would cause more tension. I focus a bit more on hugging because I did a LOT of hugging during seventeen months in Brasil and then two more in Mexico. Hugging became a much bigger part of my life, and I really missed it when I came back to the States. I remember distinctly feeling out of my element and wanting to give everyone a hug and kiss them on the cheek.

And I think that craving for hugging people has never really left me. I have noticed that when I am getting regular hugs from someone significant in my life, I am much calmer, I have more patience, my stress level isn’t as high, I consider myself a much better person. And there are times in my life when I only receive quick insignificant hugs, or none at all, that I notice myself being less patient and more easily irritated. And I can pretty much pinpoint that as a reason for my action. It is interesting to watch.

In short, hugs are great.