I take the tree down

I took down our Christmas tree today and Brett, referencing “The Forgotten Carols” asked if I cry every time I take it down. I told him I’ve only cried taking the tree down once, and that was January 2012.

The day before Thanksgiving in 2011 we found out I was pregnant for the first time. We were ecstatic! It was our first round of IVF. We were over the moon. I knit our little baby a Christmas tree toy that weekend. We made plans to tell our parents we were pregnant on Christmas day. We even took a photo of us with the photo of our embryos that we were going to frame and give to our parents.

One week before Christmas I had a massive bleed and felt a hollow empty feeling as our baby’s heart stopped and his spirit went back to heaven.

Taking the tree down that year, the tree we’d put up right after finding out we were pregnant and sat at with the lights on and Brett’s hands on my still tiny belly, that hurt. It felt like I was putting away my connection with that baby.

That year I cried as I took the tree down.

This year I told our kids to eat the popcorn as I brushed it off the tree.