How to Plan a Temple Wedding

Walking through Deseret Book a while back I saw a “temple wedding planner” book that cost about $20. I had to flip through it because I couldn’t believe that topic required a whole book. Flipping through it though I discovered that, other than a few pages, it was about planning the reception afterwards, not planning the wedding. I told Brett I could write a whole pamphlet on the topic, and I’d even provide it for free! (click for downloadable pamphlet)

Here’s the basics of how to plan a temple wedding, in ten easy steps:

1. Live a clean and virtuous life. That includes morality, integrity, chastity, modesty, honesty. Planning a temple wedding starts long before you are even planning a first date. It’s a way of life that gets you to the temple and the most important step.

2. Find someone of the opposite sex who has also lived a clean and virtuous life. See above.

3. Make the choice to love that person. Admittedly, this choice should not be a hard one. It should follow naturally during an appropriate courtship. It is important to recognize it is a choice and one you will be making every day for the rest of forever.

4. Choose to be married to this person. With it’s corollary, they need to choose to be married to you.

5. Decide together on a date and a temple to be married in. Yes, both parties have equal say in this, even if one says simply, “I like your choice of temple.”

6. Call the temple and schedule the ceremony. Recognize this is a sacred ordinance and not an elaborate to-do. Treat it with reverence and respect. Respect the size of the room when deciding who to invite.

7. Read, and follow, the letter the temple sends you. It will tell you when you should arrive, what you need to bring, what you can wear, and what is not allowed.

8. Meet with your bishops and stake presidents. Get your living ordinance recommends.

9. Go to the appropriate government office and get the legal marriage license. This is the only thing that costs any money in a temple wedding (unless you need to rent temple clothing, generally for under $10).

10. Get married.

Here are things you do NOT do for a temple wedding:

1. Choose a wedding party. There is no role for a maid of honor or best man in a temple wedding. You are not to ask guests to wear matching outfits or tuxes for a temple wedding. Guests simply wear Sunday best. You can honor friends with wedding party titles for a reception if you would like, but it is not part of the ceremony. There is also no “walking down the aisle” (there’s no aisle) or “giving away” of any sort in a temple wedding.

2. Flowers. You do not carry, wear, or otherwise use flowers for a temple sealing ceremony. You can have flowers for photos or receptions afterwards, but they are not part of the ceremony.

3. Photographers/Videographers. They are not allowed in the temple. Period. End of story. You can take photos/videos on the temple grounds or at your reception, but they are not part of the ceremony.

4. Tuxes/fancy gowns. You wear simple white clothing. If you want to wear a wedding gown you need to keep in mind that it must be strictly white (no ivory or other colors), if it has a train it needs to be able to be bustled, modest neckline and long sleeves are required, beading and other embellishments must be within reason. You also do not wear a wedding veil for the ceremony.

5. Food. The entire ceremony is less than 5 minutes. You can do food at a reception, but it isn’t part of the ceremony. That goes for cake too.

6. Large guest lists. Sealing rooms, where the ceremony occurs, can generally fit between 15 and 40 people. This is a solemn, reverent, occasion. It is not a time to invite everyone you’ve ever met and plan on there being standing room only. But for a reception, invite whoever you want.

7. Music. There is no music for the ceremony. And there is definitely no dancing afterwards. So you don’t need a DJ or play list.

8. Wedding favors. Give everyone who comes to the sealing a hug and a smile. The giving of gifts, to guests or the bride and groom, is not part of the wedding ceremony.

So you see, planning a temple wedding is really quite simple. Planning the reception after could take some work though. Just keep the two separate, and focus on the former.

The most important single thing that any Latter-Day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority.
– Elder Bruce R. McConkie
“Agency or Inspiration?” New Era, Jan. 1975, p. 38.

See also:

• “Whom Shall I Marry?” by President Thomas S. Monson, New Era, Oct. 2004
• “Planning Your Temple Wedding” by Shanna Butler, New Era, Oct. 2004
• “The Right Person, the Right Place, the Right Time,” by Thomas B. Holman, BYU Devotional, August 1, 2000.