Hoje com pecados, eu o entristeci

Today with sins, I saddened.

Yesterday I wrote that a peaceful night’s sleep “means saying what needed to be said. There have been many nights where that has been my reason for writing my journal before going to sleep.”

In my weird head, I have often thought, “if I died in my sleep tonight, what would my last words have been? Would the people I love know it? Would people know what I felt? Would they know what I believed?”

There are two quotes that, for some reason in my head, I thought were the same thing. But they aren’t. Yet they both get at this idea.

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are those ‘It might have been.’
– John Greenleaf Whittier

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
– Harriet Beecher Stowe

There has also been a song recently by John Mayer that makes me feel just a tinge of guilt every time I hear it. It’s called “Say” (lyrics).

There are words that are truly better left unspoken. And I have held my tongue on many occasions. I think everyone has been the better for it. Not everything needs to be said. And I haven’t looked back and regretted those words that I didn’t say because they would’ve been said in haste or anger without any thought.

But the things that should be said, am I saying those? Have I said what I needed to say? For the most part I think I have. But there are a few things that I have held back on for one reason or another. I think the main reason is fear how the other person might take what I say, fear that is probably only in my head. But that fear is making me miss moments I could’ve enjoyed. I need to not let words unspoken sadden me.

Whatever may come, I hope the people I love know I love them. I want that to never be something I have left unsaid. I need to say it more often, I know that.