Official?

What makes something official?

I have known people who have agreed to get married, started planning the wedding, even gone so far as to schedule the temple ceremony. But if you ask them about it, they aren’t “officially” engaged because he hasn’t given her a ring yet. Huh? The way I look at it, if you’ve agreed to get married then you are engaged. There’s none of this silly official/unofficial stuff going on. I recently brought up this topic with some other people I know, and the response was interesting.

There were several girls who said it’s similar to waiting until after the first trimester of a pregnancy to tell people you are pregnant. At that point the danger of a miscarriage has dropped significantly and the chance of actually having the baby are much better so it’s then okay to tell people you are pregnant. Waiting until the guy forks over a huge chunk of change on a ring, thus having him put forth some kind of financial investment on the relationship, increases the chance of actually having a wedding so then you can tell people you are officially engaged.

There are several problems with this line of reasoning though. First off, if you are going to compare it to being pregnant – a woman is not “unofficially” pregnant for the first trimester. She’s pregnant. She’s pregnant from the moment that egg and sperm got together and started multiplying and dividing. I can completely understand waiting to tell people until later though.

With an engagement – you are engaged from the moment the man and woman get together and agree to do some multiplying of their own later. Now maybe they want to wait until later to announce it, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’ve been engaged the whole time.

You cannot be unofficially pregnant. You cannot be unofficially engaged.

Also, why do women require a financial investment in the relationship from guys? Do guys require the same? Okay, there has been a thing such as a dowry in the past, but not so much any more. I’d rather marry someone who can invest emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in the relationship than someone who’s just invested financially.

Another friend went and looked up the definition of the term “engaged” in the dictionary:

1: to offer (as one’s word) as security for a debt or cause
2 a obsolete : to entangle or entrap in or as if in a snare or bog b: to attract and hold by influence or power c: to interlock with : MESH; also : to cause (mechanical parts) to mesh
3: to bind (as oneself) to do something; especially : to bind by a pledge to marry
4 a: to provide occupation for : INVOLVE b: to arrange to obtain the use or services of : HIRE
5 a: to hold the attention of : ENGROSS b: to induce to participate
6 a: to enter into contest or battle with b: to bring together or interlock (weapons)
7: to deal with especially at length
intransitive verb
1 a: to pledge oneself : PROMISE b: GUARANTEE
2 a: to begin and carry on an enterprise or activity b: to take part : PARTICIPATE c: to give attention to something : DEAL
3: to enter into conflict or battle
4: to come together and interlock (as of machinery parts) : be or become in gear

Whereas the definition of the term betrothed is:

1: to promise to marry
2: to give in marriage

Looking at those two definitions, I think I’d rather be betrothed than engaged any day. And I will be betrothed when I agree to marry someone, not when he spends a lot of money on a ring.