Falling apart in a blaze of glory

I am falling apart. And I’m only 27. I’ve been falling apart for several years now. When I came home from Brasil I could barely walk for the pain in my feet. I went to a podiatrist and he said my arches would’ve eventually fallen because of the way my feet are built, but probably not until I was 70 or 80. Walking 10-15 miles a day for a year and a half made it happen about 22 though. I have to wear orthotics like an old person for the rest of my life now.

I have bad knees. I’ve been able to tell when the weather is going to change since high school when I popped the right one out just standing up from a chair. The left one felt left out so it is weak now too. I have to wear a brace on both knees if I do any hiking or running or anything like that.

I sprained my back in 1998, which is probably part of the current problems I have with my neck and shoulders – arthritis, herniated disks, tightening nerve canals.

I sprained my ankle two months ago, and it still isn’t better. It has gotten a lot better in the last few weeks I’ve done physical therapy (for a very mild sprain, mind you).

I have a major something go wrong with something at least once a year, and have for the last ten. I’m running out of body parts to injure and I’m going to have to start over.

But I haven’t stopped living. I still go out and do stuff. I still hike the mountains, I still train for marathons. The first marathon I ran (and only so far, although there will be more), was 18 months after I dislocated my knee. I had to prove to myself, and more even to my mom, that I could do it and I wasn’t going to let it cripple me for the rest of my life. You can’t stop living.

You just have to, as we say in teaching, modify and adjust. I’ve adjusted to the fact that I can’t carry heavy back packs, that I’ll hurt for two or three days after traveling from carrying my bags and sitting in the worlds smallest spaces on air planes. I’ve adjusted to the fact that if I go running or hiking and forget to wrap my knees, that I’ll start looking for a gun to shoot myself with. I keep ibuprofen at home, in my car, and at work.

I don’t have the best family history either. There’s arthritis, back problems, cancer, diabetes, hypothyroidism, diverticulitis, clinical depression, high blood pressure, and high cholestorol all in my family medical history. Apparently nature is going to do me in if I don’t do it first.

So yup, I’m falling apart. But I’m going to do it in a blaze of glory. I’m going to be as sexy as I can. I’m going to keep trying to do that yoga stuff. I’m going to take belly dancing. I’m going to try that ballet stuff one of these days. I’m going to run several more marathons (maybe even this summer if my stupid ankle will get better quicker).

What was my point again?

Oh yeah, I am falling apart. But I look goooood doing it. 😉